They Finally Did It: Solar Powered Flashlight

Yes, yes, it's clearly a solar CHARGING flashlight, but it makes it no less hilarious to me.

I do love the chatchkis at Restoration Hardware.

The Once and Future Me

Received an email I wrote to myself last year on Futureme.org. It's cool: you write yourself a message and the site delivers it to you a year later.

Last year Me was apparently REALLY angry...

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Monday, November 26, 2007,
and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

So, how many crash and burn relationships have you had THIS year? Did it get worse than Ace - if that's even possible?

So a year ago today I wrote to myself asking how the TV show was going. Any progress THIS time? Even manage to shoot a lousy 10 minute scene on the roof?

Wow, apparently this year's PastMe is rather bitter, hmm?

Well, I DO hope you've finally managed to make something of yourself. You're 35 for god's sake.

And how fat are you now? Maybe writing this letter will make me realize that if I just exercise 4-5 times a week for the next year I'll get back into my ideal shape.

Oh, if you're unemployed now.... stop it. Get a job, you bum.

Shy

I have waited all my life for a Bond such this.

I have literally waited my entire life for James Bond movies such as these Daniel Craig Bond flicks. Casino Royale was a, well, quantum leap forward for the franchise, and Quantum of Solace continues in the tradition. It had some moments of poor, Bourne Supremacy-esque, shakey cam execution during a few of the action sequences, but overall, fantastic bits of innovation, creativity and cleverness in the action/stunt pieces.

Of course, the major accomplishment of these Craig films is the excellence of the quiet scenes. They're not boring in the slightest because of the underlying raw energy that Craig and his fellow company of actors have as their foundation. Jeffrey Wright and Dame Judy Dench are, as always, extraordinary. Each sentence uttered is full of tension and possibility, and is just as engaging as every gun shot or car crash.

Director Marc Foster picks up admirably on the style for the new Craigsian Bond - instant improvisation. Thought in Motion. He's Jackie Chan without the kicking and better clothes.

Just fantastic. Go see it.

Wow. The President of a lifetime and a Bond of a lifetime all in one month? If only my life savings hadn't been reduced to the cost of a box of Junior Mints, this would be the best month ever!

Favorite Election Moment

I think my favorite moment last night was on a city bus going crosstown.

In the back seat of the bus, a group of six kids, around 8 to 10 years old, were coming home from hockey practice and they were chanting, "O-Bam-A! O-Bam-A!" over and over. Their parents were sitting around chuckling and smiling.

After this settled down a bit, two of the kids fell into the following conversation:

"Obama won by like 337 delegates in the primary."
"Yeah... but Hillary would have been good too."
"Yeah."

It was awesome to hear.

Obama for THE President

I wonder how many people have joyfully spoken/written the phrase, "I never thought I'd see a black president in my lifetime" in the past 24 hours? But let me add my voice to the chorus - I think on some level, I didn't think this country had it in it to take that step forward anytime soon. I find it so encouraging that I could experience this moment in history, that it's happening at a time in my life where I'll be able to look BACK on it and smile, rather than at the end of my days. I get to see what happens NEXT!!

But ultimately, Barack Obama's ethnicity is secondary. All the politics of race aside, he's an extraordinarily inspirational figure, with an ability to rouse feelings of patriotism and optimism in the public unrivaled since Kennedy. His Presidency will convince good, idealistic people, people who wouldn't otherwise think of going into public service, to take part in how this country is molded and run. And that's what this country needs; not just one good man, but a host of good people working towards good things.

As I walked through the streets of the United States of New York City last night, the feelings of goodwill and excitement were intoxicating. Chants of "Yes We Can" rang out through the streets. You could literally hear it from the tops of buildings all the way down to subway platforms underground. It made me so thankful to live in a progressive, liberal city. I love this town.

And it will be nice to be respected on the world stage again. I spoke with a British fellow last night who expressed that very sentiment; that the whole of the global community let go a huge sigh of relief with Obama's election. The USA is the prodigal son that's finally returned after 8 years of tomfoolery, and the world is ready to kill the fatted calf and welcome us back with open arms.

On a personal level, Obama's presidency makes me want to be better. As a an individual and as a citizen of the United States. And I look forward to trying my best.

Yes we can.

Vote.

Seriously.

Don't know where your polling place is? Go here: http://www.voteforchange.com/index_obama.php

Outage Chase

It's always really comforting during a massive global economic crisis, when financial institutions are falling apart left and right, to have your bank's website crash on a Friday.

Thanks Chase.

I intend to blog more...

Yet another blog posting about posting blogs. Kinda like student films that begin with shots of alarm clocks going off. Pretty trite.

Nevertheless, I do intend to try to blog more often and more consistently. Not just here; in fact, my main focus will be over at my other blog, Bachelor on a Budget (http://budgetbachelor.blogspot.com). I figure in these ridiculous economic times, the least I can do is share some of my methods for living on a shoestring budget.

Speaking of which, gotta get back to shoving Italian pastitsio into my mouth.

Journey to the Fortress Astoria

So my roommates and I recently moved out of our ridiculously fantastic Chelsea loft. My three roommates, who I've known since college, had lived there for nearly 13 years (I had only been there less than 3), so we had managed to pay a reasonable amount for a space that was over 2,000 square feet and occupied the entire floor of the building. Our elevator opened directly into our apartment; it was a quintessential yet unique New York apartment experience. The building had been sold at the beginning of the year and the new landlords finally got around to handing us our walking papers. Either that or we could pay over double the rent (they were raising it to $7,700!)

Since that wasn't going to happen, we negotiated an extended term of occupation with the new owners to give us some more time, and commenced a rather exhausting, two and a half month search for a new place that would accommodate the needs of four, rather fussy middle aged men. To make a long, LONG story short, we came across a few great, near misses, a great many not-even-closes, and a large number of fair to middlings. (I'll be making a video of our apartment search in the near future.)

During this time, a friend of mine, Wendy, predicted that we would end up finding our apartment in the final two weeks before we had to move. "Everyone in New York finds their apartment in the last two weeks," she assured me.

Meanwhile, those final two weeks approached and panic began to set in. Negotiations on a GORGEOUS Harlem townhouse fell through because of a rather shifty pair of landlords who kept changing the terms of the lease and didn't know anything about the place, as they had never lived there. The roommates began to make alternate plans - one had begun to suss out one-bedroom apartments and the rest started looking at three-bedrooms/two-bedroom combinations. My personal emergency exit plan involved me shoving most of my things into storage and taking my camera and computer around the world for a couch surfing tour (not the worst plan in the world, actually - part of me was kind of looking forward to it).

But, lo and behold, in the final two weeks, success: we happened upon a converted, duplex office space in Astoria, a neighborhood we had all grown fonder of during our various apartment searches. The building was three floors, with a storefront on the bottom level and two levels of "office space" above that. Apparently the original owners had built it to be an office, only to find out afterwards that it wasn't zoned for office space. It sat vacant for years while they tried to change the permits, and finally earlier this year they sold it to our current landlord (who is a story in and of himself, for another time) who made a few minor adjustments to convert it to a residential space.

We all fell in love/confusion when we first saw the place. It was huge, for one, but more importantly it was unique and quirky enough that it matched up with who we are and where we are in our lives. Plus, a backyard!

More later, but for now, check out some pictures of the place.

Political Rumors: COLIN POWELL TO ENDORSE BARACK OBAMA

Now, I'm no reporter. Nobody ever confused me with Woodward and Bernstein, or even Larry Flynt for that matter.

That said, remember that you heard it here first: Colin Powell is going to endorse Barack Obama this coming weekend.

Colin Powell was National Security Advisor for Reagan and the first president Bush, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and George W. Bush's Secretary of State during his first term. He is actually a friend of Senator John McCain and, as such, had intended to remain neutral during this election.

However, my sources tell me that the retired four star general has been thoroughly appalled by the selection of Sarah Palin as McCain's running mate. This in addition to his well-documented disagreements with the direction in which the current administration and the Republican party have led this country, have forced the Secretary Powell's hand. As the patriot that he is, he no doubt has realized just how important this election is and thus is intending to endorse Senator Obama within the next few days.


Of course, I could be wrong - as I said, I'm no reporter. But I have faith in Secretary Powell's love of his country and his judgment as to who will be best suited to lead it. And that's clearly Barack Obama.

McCain is Rickles, but Obama is Sinatra

Watching the footage from last night's Albert E. Smith Foundation Charity Dinner was like watching one of the classic Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts from back in the day. John McCain killed the way Don Rickles would kill during his set, and Barack Obama charmed and entertained the way Sinatra would when he'd get to the podium - pure class.
McCain Roasts Obama


Sinatra's Obama's Turn:


At the same time, it made me feel bad for John McCain. With his set, he reminded everyone why he was such a nationally liked fellow - he was funny, self-effacing, sincere in his admiration of people he respected regardless of their political party. Unfortunately, the powers that be in his own Republican Party are so horribly corrupt and unethical that these past two months have been spent burying the real John McCain under a mountain of mud-slinging, fear-mongering, rumor-spreading, spin doctoring and just out and out lies.

A recent video of a McCain event showed just how conflicted the Senator must feel about the turn his campaign has taken; he's forced to correct racist rumors about Obama's ethnicity and patriotism, trying to take the high road that he once trod.



It really must kill him that he's been convinced to use the exact same dirty, Rovian tactics that George W. Bush used against him during the 2000 Republican Primary campaigns. You can see the pain and frustration in his face.

And at the end of his remarks at last night's dinner, he made what was essentially an early concession speech, speaking of his admiration for Barack Obama, and for all patriots. Because, while he may not be suited to being President, deep down, that's who John McCain truly is: a true American patriot.

But if you really love your country, Senator McCain, for the love of God, please don't win.

My IM With Chai

My Friend Chai: You're in Astoria?

Me: Yes, it's great

My Friend Chai: are you being sarcastic?

Britney Spears Sex Tape

I could care less about this story except for the fact that more porn is being added to the internet, but this quote from Britney's douchebag/ex Adnan Ghalib is hilarious to me:

He [Ghalib] added: “I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney.”

Yes, aside from the tape of you two having sex that you're selling, you're the soul of discretion. What a guy. A real prince.

Aside from that, do we really need to see this guy having sex? Though I suppose he's not anymore broken looking than typical male porn stars. (No offense, male porn stars; long viewer fan, first time hater.)

Wild Pink Mango Berry -or- Frozen Yogurt Still Sucks

The other night I finally succumb to the onslaught of semi-mod frozen yogurt joints that have been popping up all throughout the city. There's Red Mango, Berrywild, Yolato, Flurt, and so forth, but I decided to go to the leader of the pack of Adjective+Fruit yogurt joints and popped into a Pinkberry to get my active cultures on.

In my experience, frozen yogurt has always been a poor substitute for ice cream, and I mean POOR - not middle income, but a homeless, bi-polar, crippled substitute. But people are so CRAZED over these Pinkberry-esque places, I expected something truly unique and surprising. I was wrong.

Their big hook appears to be that their frozen yogurt isn't sweetened or flavored. So, it tastes just like plain yogurt... because it's PLAIN YOGURT!. Of course, then you add fresh fruit, cookies, nuts, chocolate, etc... to the mix, and voila! A healthy and tasty treat!  

Except it's just essentially really cold and hard plain yogurt with fruit. What a frakkin' rip off. Sure, they have coffee and green tea flavors, but they're more TINTED with green and brown than actually flavored -  you still have that sour bite of plain yogurt. And I don't mind the taste of plain yogurt, but it's hardly something I'd ever CRAVE as a treat. The popularity of these places is ridiculously mind-boggling. 

It's like the Emperor's New Yogurt - I just want to shout, "But it just tastes like YOGURT!!!"

Anyway, I'm going to have a pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie now...

Ah, IM Spam...

FakeOnlineGirl: Hey glad u added me..Im Monica.. so u got my email? lol

Me: Uh huh... Monica. Yes indeed. Wasn't sure if you were spam or not. Especially since I never wrote to you...

FakeOnlineGirl: Ya I just got your reply to my ad today. I made that ad not that long ago but u are the only one who replied! aww soo cute thanks babe  I need ur help when I move near ya in a few days!

Me: I see. Tell me more, generalized-response bot?

FakeOnlineGirl: this is bad timing though cause I was just about to sign off of my instant messenger.. Is it possible for u to cum chat me in my chat room baby??

Me: You mean your for pay webcam chat room? SURE!

FakeOnlineGirl: Well ya its free to login of course... I can give u my special link that I only give to my friends since we are meeting up in a few days anyways but DON'T give out the free link to ANYONE ok?? I'm running late WEBCAM ADDRESS HERE

Me: Is it free except for age verification via credit card? Let me just dig one out...

FakeOnlineGirl: Well once u login there then we can chat much easier.. and u can see me on my live HD webcam they sent me  I got it for free HHAHA YAY.. you're pretty laid back, I could have some fun with u .. logged in yet? I'm waiting babe..Im on cam right now (thong and bra ONLY haha).. WEBCAM ADDRESS HERE

Me: Okie dokie!!!

FakeOnlineGirl: HEY.... u gotta promise not to give that link to ur friends lol.. that link is ONLY for my invited guests babe because it's FREE.. right now you're the only one anyways... I just don't see ya in the chat room yet are u on yet?

Me: Oh, don't worry, I'm cumming. Get it? "Cum"-ming? But hold on, first I have to stick a fork in an electrical outlet.

FakeOnlineGirl: K K I gotta get off here..I will speak to u inside my chat room hunny... see ya in a sec.. ps - we can exchange cell phone numbers in there xoxox WEBCAM ADDRESS HERE

Me: Sure thing, dickwad preying on the loneliness of people on the internet! I'll be right there!

FakeOnlineGirl: Auto Response: Just in my cam show now! Julie and I are gonna use a strap on tonight.. YAY.. Click the link to come watch... WEBCAM ADDRESS HERE 

Me: Wh-what? Auto Response? The magic's gone...

Sarah Palin: Ain't Karma Grand?

Palin is a "firm supporter of abstinence-only education in schools" according to CNN in 2006. [109] When running for governor in 2006, Palin wrote, "Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support," in response to a questionnaire by the Eagle Forum Alaska.

And then today's news:

Just days after Gov. Sarah Palin was named as Senator John McCain’s running mate, Ms. Palin made an unlikely announcement of her own on Monday: Her daughter Bristol, 17 and unmarried, was five months pregnant.

Ah karma.

If Bristol is indeed five months pregnant, however, it ruins what was going to be my favorite conspiracy theory of all time: that Sarah Palin's fifth child, Trig, who has Down Syndrome, was in fact her daughter Bristol's child and that Palin pretended to be pregnant. Because if Bristol really IS five months pregnant, it doesn't work as Trig is now 4 months old. 

We'll see if Bristol is mysteriously 2 months late in delivery!

There's a great rundown of this con-theo here at The Daily Kos, a site I don't particularly subscribe to, but I was tickled by this particular allegation.

In the first video in the Daily Kos story, we see Sarah Palin, apparently 5 months pregnant, about to drink a cup of coffee!

Joe Biden's Mother? ADORABLE!

Look at this woman. She's America's mom! I just want to gobble her up! She's absolutely ADORABLE!!!

Screw the cuteness of Obama's girls - Mrs. Biden wins the contest of cute hands down! Watching her laugh as Joe Biden recounted stories from his youth was utterly winning. Her laugh and smile was so charming when Senator Biden shared a memory of her telling him to go bloody the nose of his bullies so he could walk down the street standing tall. You could see her laughing as she told her neighbor, "It's true!"

Adorable!

Why is Monica Crowley still on The Mclaughlin Group?

Why in the world is Monica Crowley still on The Mclaughlin Group? I cannot understand it - every syllable out of her mouth is pure Republican spin. There's no original analysis or insight that isn't recycled from the neo-con talk radio and Fox News circuit. The other panelists have taken to pretty much just tuning out whatever she says because they know it's just going to be talking points. It doesn't even seem as if she's on the same show; what she prattles on about often has little or no real connection to the flow of the conversation, as it's just regurgitated pablum that she tries to shoehorn into the dialogue. It's as though you've just accidentally channel surfed away to the O'Reilly Report or Hannity and Colmes for 30 seconds. 

And it's not just because she's a conservative. For all his faults, Pat Buchanan never resorts to the sort of scripted party line nonsense that Crowley spews week after week; all his opinions purely his own and drawn from his own analysis based on his conservative viewpoint.

She's a complete waste of space on the screen. I can't believe Mclaughlin puts up with her.

Other People's Poetry

I was, I suppose, lecturing some young lady online for not posting her artwork and poems on the internet for the world to see. She agreed and told me I was right (as I always am), so here now is someone else's poetry:

Showering gracefully
in the arms of heaven's wings
Comfortable, content,
in mind of many great things

Beautiful, truely - the voice of the muse
the path, the choices are for you to choose
Reality dreaming to those who are deep
Those who bow their head, counting their sheep

Dancing, lifting
the rivers of our souls
Preparing, Endless
for whom the bell tolls

- Jessica

In general, I believe creation and art are pointless unless you share it with the world. Can you imagine if someone hadn't found Emily Dickinson's poems locked away in a trunk after her death? We never would have had the rhyme scheme for the Gilligan's Island theme!

New JibJab Election Video - Time for Some Campaigning

The new JibJab video lets you put your own head in at the end. Neat little Sendable tech.

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Shy + Air Guitar - Practice = FAIL. (Plus, Frozen Yogurt)

So, while I enjoyed participating in the Air Guitar regional in Brooklyn tonight, I realized that I'm not able to enjoy things purely on kitsch factor. Thing is, turns out I'm competitive, not just with others, but with myself, and if at any point I think I'm not doing something as well as I should be, I get rather morose inside.

Plus I apparently had the entire weight of the Asian race on my shoulders as two of the most recent world Air Guitar Champions have been Asian AND from Brooklyn, so, yeah...

Granted, I only had 2 1/2 days to prepare as I only got late entry accepted on Sunday morning at 5am, but I really needed to research more, figure out what they were looking for. Still, it was a lot of fun. Started off really well too, just went in the wrong direction for the judges, and they slaughtered me.

In any event, I wasn't even remotely as upset as the guy who came in second - he crashed into the dressing room, shouted, "Where's my fucking bag," and stormed out. It's like, "Wow, air guitar man. AIR guitar."

The girl who won had a rocking first set, and for the second part with the surprise song, she didn't actually play much, but she did run up into the balcony, climb over the railing and play on a glass roof over the sound booth. Gutsy. Made even more so by the fact that on the way there she BROKE HER TOE on a chair and tore the skin off, so the bone was sticking out. And she finished her set. Clearly deserving of the win.

Oh well, at least I can cross it off the life list.

ADDENDUM: As a bit of a segue, let me just say that frozen yogurt fucking SUCKS and in no way provides cold comfort in the way that real, Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie does. Every few years I forget the fact that frozen yogurt is a joke of a food and make the mistake of buying it when the real thing is sold out. I'd be better off sprinkling sugar on an ice cube.

Rocking the US Air Guitar Tonight!

US Air Guitar Regionals - Brooklyn

So I decided, rather last minute, to enter the US Air Guitar regional competition in Brooklyn, but it's Wednesday, July 9th and they were closed for entries. However, the website said "... if you can provide evidence that you have Norse God-like abilities" that they may be able to squeeze us into competition.

I promptly emailed them to see how I could prove my Norseness. Video of me air guitaring? Video of me dressed up as Samurai from the Superfriends?

I only had one of those at the moment to send them, but apparently it was enough, because at 5am today they accepted my entry.

Which leaves me 3 1/2 days to edit my song, choreograph, make a costume and practice. Brilliant, Shy.

If you want to come out and show your love for SuperKiller Fragalisticexpialidocious (that's me), by all means, join me!

US Air Guitar Championships: Brooklyn Regional
Wed 7/9 (8PM) @ Music Hall of Williamsburg
Cost: $16
Official Site: http://www.usairguitar.com

Music Hall of Williamsburg
66 North Sixth Street Brooklyn, NY 11211
Website: http://www.musichallofwilliamsburg.com/

Being Sold in a Charity Man Raffle

I'm being sold off in a Charity Man Raffle this Thursday, July 3rd, so if you’ll be in New York this holiday weekend, you should come to Deacon Brodie’s on Thursday night for this fund-raiser my friend Melanie is hosting.

THE FIRST ANNUAL MAN RAFFLE
to benefit the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation

Thursday, July 3rd from 6:00 PM - 9:00 PM

Deacon Brodie’s
370 West 46th Street
(between 8th & 9th Avenues)
New York, NY 10036

$1 raffle tickets buy you a chance for a date with a man from Melanie’s harem. Each date includes tickets to a show and/or dinner for two.

All of the tips for the bartenders and all money generated by the raffle directly benefit the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation.

Here's a short video I made explaining this all in greater detail. With puppets:



If you’re unable to attend and would still like to donate, click here.

For more information about the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation, click here.

Doctor Who Predictions (spoilers through current episode)

My roommate Danaher has brilliantly postulated that the Doctor's current companion, Donna Noble, is, in fact, the Master in another human form. Though she doesn't know it, of course.

It completely fits. We see a female hand pick up the Master's ring at the end of last season. Various characters have been telling Donna that she has an unusual fate, is incredibly "powerful" and full of "change." Plus she occasionally wears a huge ring that could easily be the Master's ring with a bit of costume gemstone on top of it.

Just wanted to put this out into the blogosphere, to plant Danaher's flag as the first to come up with this call.

I Believe Obama is Having THIS Moment Right Now Regarding Clinton...

As the story goes, this is the moment in 1960, after Kennedy has locked up the Democratic nomination, that John F. Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy are discussing the fact that JFK is going to have to choose Lyndon B. Johnson as his vice-presidential running mate.

Because I'm Required by Law to Post This...

LET'S GO PENS!


COMEBACK, BABY!

Mexico Recap

As I mentioned before, I went to Mexico City for a job interview and then stayed for a total of 10 days to see how I might like living there.

It was a great trip. To sum up: I visited the pyramids of Teotihuacan, rode a trajinera (gondala) through the canals of Xochimilco, climbed up to the cliffside the pyramid temple of Tepozteco high above Tepotzlan, walked through the ruins of the Templo Mayor in the heart of the CentroHistorico and the "Thieves Market," Mercado Tepito. I saw Frida Kahlo's Blue House and Leon Trotsky's home in Coyoacan and the Ballet Folklorico at the beautiful Palacio des Belles Artes, shopped at the Bazar Sabado in San Angel, went to the national zoo and Museum of Anthropology in the Bosque de Chapultepec, the bull fights in the Monumental Plaza Mexico, a hundred mariachi bands at Garibaldi Plaza and the Lucha Libre (Mexican wrestling) at the Arena de Mexico. I explored miles and miles of the city's different neighborhoods trying to get a feel for it's people and culture.

And the food... fantastic.

Chile rellano con queso at La Luna Mextli in Tepotzlan

I took over 2300 photographs and 3+ hours of footage of my trip. I'm still wrapping my head around how best to present it all, but hopefully I'll have something more extensive up this week.

Kung Fu Panda Pwns Me

I am inordinately fond of this photo, despite the fact that the movie this promotional statue is for (Kung-Fu Panda) is probably going to SUUucccCCCCK.


Who knows, though; Jack Black always has the capacity to surprise.

Never Too Many Chances to Wear a 3-Piece Suit.

Huzzah! Another chance to dust off my moth eaten 3-piece pinstripe suit and pork-pie hat; this past weekend there was a Victorian/20's-40's era "ThreePenny Opera" party at a beautiful Victorian mansion in Brooklyn called the Montauk Club. The idea was to dress either in the style of Bertold Brecht's ThreePenny Opera, 1880-1900, or in the style of the era in which the play was written, the 1930's.

The venue itself was beautiful, a lovingly restored and maintained mansion just by Grand Army Plaza, but the crowd was fantastic. The guests had gone all out - gorgeous Victorian-era gowns, women in vintage flapper attire and avant-guard latex-gothic hybrids were all on display, and gentlemen in long coats, tuxedos and three piece suits were enjoying the conversation-friendly atmosphere as a 6-piece jazz band, Grandpa Musselman and his Syncopaters, played a wonderful assortment of period music, from the Charleston to waltzes.

I simply donned my getup from the film noir derbytaunte party I attended several weeks ago and headed on out to join my friends, who were similarly decked out in 30's clothing. Thanks to Dances of Vice who put on the event. Their next soirée is in August (so far!) and if I'm not in Mexico, I'll definitely be going.

(Me and some dame...)

Whoo Hoo! My first $100 from YouTube

Well, after almost 4 months as a YouTube Partner, I've earned my first $100 from their revenue sharing program. It's a pittance, granted - a mere $25/month - but it's a fun little milestone to think about. At least it means I've broken even on the budget for all my videos (beef hearts, smoke machines, rabbit puppets and tape stock cost money!)

It's also significant as it's the minimum amount that Google AdSense will let you cash out of their program. You can't collect on any earnings under $100.

So in another four months, I'll be able to pay my phone bill again! And maybe have a burger!

I May Move To Mexico for a Year

I have an intriguing opportunity before me. A start-up social networking site based out of Mexico City and launching in the US has been courting me for a position as a Creative Director/Producer/Writer to produce videos for their website. They found me through my YouTube videos, of all places.

I'm a bit on the fence, to say the least.

On one hand, it's very little money for the work involved, I don't speak the language, and they're asking for a year committment. That's quite a long time, in my mind, and it certainly takes me out of the running for any acting/directing/writing opportunities in New York. Mexico City, while an up and coming metropolis, is still rather crime ridden and rather polluted. I also won't know anyone - I'm a somewhat solitary person, but as they say, no man is an island; I'm not sure how I'll react to the potential isolation. I suppose I can play Warcraft III from anywhere, but still... Also, and most importantly, it's "Creation by Committee," which in general I despise.

On the other hand, it's an intriguing new experience, and a chance for a very good addition to my rather meaguer business resume. It's a foot in the door to a wide array of different professional fields. Granted, I'm not certain I'm interested in any of them (e.g. advertising), but it's nice to have the option. And if the site really takes off, I could potentially make a significant amount of money on the back end. Plus, I could learn Spanish (which would no doubt annoy my mother that I was learning a foreign language instead of learning Thai). And I could still produce my YouTube sketches in my spare time - especially since I won't know anyone down there.

I don't have to decide now - they're going to fly me down to Mexico City to meet them in person and show me around the town.

Basically, it comes down to: do I stay in New York and continue to gamble on myself and my new YouTube platform, or do I cash in for a year and take this opportunity to get paid (meagerly) for making internet videos?

This would be so much easier if The Daily Show would just hire me...

So There Was This Dame, See...

A whole group of dames, come to think of it. They're called the Gotham Girls Roller Derby, and this past Sunday I went to their Derbytaunte Ball fundraiser to celebrate the induction of their rookie derby girls, one of which was my roommate Luke's girlfriend, Carly (aka: Straight Razor). Luke is on the left there looking very Joe Friday-ish.

The theme of the event, if you haven't guessed from our getups, was "Film Noir." Right up our alley. While we were getting ready, Luke cranked up the soundtrack from Orson Welles' "Touch of Evil," and we enjoyed gussying ourselves up in our Sunday best. I'm always happy to make use of my vintage (and unfortunately moth eaten) wool pin-stripe three-piece suit that I found for $25 in a thrift store in Pittsburgh 17 years ago (::gasp::).

When we got to the Park Slope bar Southpaw for the event, we walked into a sea of fedoras and suits. Fantastic. The music was, unfortunately, clubby - it would have been great if they had been blasting period tunes like we had back at the apartment, but such are the pitfalls of hipster happenings. No Peter Gunn theme for us, alas. At least Night of the Hunter was playing on a big screen on the dance floor.

There were free pickles and relish, and Chipotle was kind enough to provide free burritos (2 hours late), and my other roommate Danaher and I won a trivia contest prize for identifying a line from Maltese Falcon (Danny had just been talking about the line on the train there, coincidentally enough).

"When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it."

Ah yes. I've had entire relationships based on that line. Good times.

So finally the time came for the inductions of the "Fresh Meat." We cheered as Carly was brought on stage, officially dubbed Straight Razor and given her team assignment: The Manhattan Mayhem. Team captain Sweet Cherry Pie clapped her in hand cuffs and shoved her into line with the rest of the new Mayhem inducties. Manhattan has the most new rookie recruits this season due to a mass exodus after last season (Oh WHY did you leave us, Tankerbelle, WHY?), so I'm expecting a Cinderella season from them. No excuses!

So swing your razor wide, Straight Razor! GO MANHATTAN MAYHEM!

(Luke, Carly and my other roommie Rick.)

New YouTube Banners!

After a very long delay (I've been a YouTube partner for 4 months now), I finally decided to cross making banners for my YouTube channel and video pages off my procrastination list.

So called up my homies Apache Chief and Black Vulcan, and we headed over to the ol' HoJ for a little photo(shop) shoot.

Voila:







I invited El Dorado, but he had "plans." If I know Eldo, his "plans" were blond. He's such a himbo.

If I Only Had a Work Ethic

Trying to develop a work ethic at age 35 feels nearly impossible. And I'm sure it's not impossible, it just FEELS that way to my atrophied mental muscles. Every day I wake up and tell myself I'm going to accomplish a whole laundry list of projects and 99% of the time I fail.

The tasks vary in difficulty, from simply folding clothes and making the bed, to writing, shooting and editing videos for the YouTubes. Granted, my time these days is very limited; I'm working full time and by the time I get home, often having had to stay late at the office, I'm just feel drained and find myself staring at the computer screen, not editing, not cleaning, not... anything.

But even when I'm not busy, I'll often just avoid doing the things I know I need to do, the things that I know will make me happier once they're done. I have a really acute self-sabotage mechanism in my brain that keeps me from following the very clear path I know I need to follow.

Ironically, without a consistent work ethic, the only thing that makes me finally get things done is the build-up of self-loathing that gets so crushing I'm forced to finally produce results.

I spent 3 hours intermittantly staring at the computer last night trying to edit a sketch video I shot 3 weeks ago. If it were for a 24-hour contest or some other deadline, it would literally take me about an hour. Instead, I've been dodging it for 3 weeks, opening up the Final Cut project, staring at it, moving stuff around, inching along, and then getting up and doing something else like eating, watching movies or vids, or playing games. And of course I tend to want to edit right when I have to leave for some place.

My brain is severely broken. I've been like this since the 5th grade. It gets progressively worse with each passing year. I've got to find some way to change this.

I'm trying to exercise my brain muscle more as of late. I think the tedious day job is helping, and, silly as this may sound, doing Sudoku every day. I need to get back on my exercise regime and start eating better. And of course, just forcing myself to create, Create, CREATE.

The prevalent theory these days is that the mind needs to be worked as often and as varied as the body does. My mind is a slothful waste these days. Hopefully I can get it into shape.

We'll see how it works.

When Exactly Did I Start Finding Tina Fey Attractive?

When did this happen? When she first started co-anchoring on Saturday Night Live with Jimmy Fallon, I never liked her delivery - she had a bad tendency to smirk and chuckle after all her jokes. Come to think of it, so did Jimmy Fallon. In addition, I thought the Weekend Update material during that period was really subpar; the new standard having been set by Jon Stewart and Company on the Daily Show. On basic cable. Stewart's crew was churning out 22 minutes of fantastic news-based material every single night, yet SNL, with it's network budget and writing staff could barely manage 10 minutes of quality current events commentary a week. It was sad. Granted, I thought she was physically attractive, but her comedy left me flat on the package as a whole.

Then 30 Rock came out. And I STILL didn't like her comedy. I preferred the wit and perfectly timed repartee of Studio 60 to the "wacky hijinks" of Fey's sitcom, and felt that Alec Baldwin was carrying the entire show on his classically trained shoulders. I'd spent two decades watching various female stand-up comediannes do their "it's so tough for a woman to be single/diet/deal with her mother" schtick and felt the show was just rehashing the entire cannon of double X chromosome comedy.

But I kept watching. At first I told myself it was just to watch Baldwin chew the scenery in every episode, but then I found myself watching Fey. And at some point... ::click::... HOLY FRAK... I'm ATTRACTED to Tina Fey! What the hell?!?!?

I think, more than anything, I'm drawn to her work ethic; I myself have a horrible work ethic (I'm working on it!).

WAIT! That's it! It was her American Express commercial where she's running around multi-tasking!

Well, that's one mystery solved.

Or maybe it's her breasts...

Best Emoticon Ever.

Here, at long last, is the emoticon I've been looking for all my life.

No more will my bad Internet jokes have to die with a whimper! Where have you been all this time, baby?!

Thanks to hprince329 for whipping this puppy up! Great work!

Thanks For The Calories, PBS!!! Greek Pastitsio.

Earlier this week I saw an episode of Martha Stewart's (yeah I know) Everyday Food on PBS. She doesn't even appear on the show, except for little inserts, but rather she has an array of appropriately cosmopolitan soccer moms presenting and preparing the various recipes.

One of the dishes they prepared was a very simple recipe for Greek Pastitsio, often referred to as "Greek Lasagna," probably because it involves meat, pasta. cheese and baking.

I decided the next night to make it. I was a little skeptical going in, as it seemed rather simple spice-wise, but the blond domestic goddess working on this particular meal spoke so convincingly and adoringly about the ground lamb, and it LOOKED rather enticing, so I just buckled down and went shopping.

It was an incredibly easy dish to make. Only about 15-20 minutes of prep and cooking, then it was just a matter of waiting for it to bake.

(Arrggh.... 35 more minutes!!!)

So finally it was done. I let it sit for the recommended 15 minutes and then cut myself a serving and dug in.

It was very... subtle.

Not bad, by any means, but certainly not an explosion of taste. Kind of bland, really. I revised the recipe in my mind; should have used more salt, more tomato paste in addition to adding some fresh diced tomato, a sharper parmesan cheese and more cayenne (I had already increased it to two teaspoons). Also, perhaps, some nutmeg and balsamic along with the wine.

I had pretty much chalked it up to a learning experience when, a couple of hours later, my roommate Danny got home. I told him to help himself to some of the pastitsio if he wanted. I went back to working at the computer when I hear him exclaim, "This is great!"

I was like, "Really? I thought it was kind of bland."

He assured me it wasn't, so I went and grabbed a spoonful.

I was completely wrong about the recipe. It was GREAT. It had just needed more time for the spices and flavors to properly marry. The cinnamon had reached just the right level of fullness and it just filled the mouth and nostrils perfectly! I was rather astonished that such a simple recipe could produce such a full and robust taste.

I love foods, like the stew and chili, that you can just leave on the counter and know it'll just get better the next day.

Suffice it to say, lunch has been great this week.

Apparently I'm Sexy, Straight and Asian...

Well, two out of three, anyway. That first one is a matter of taste, I think.

Anyway, about a month ago I was featured on the blog Sexy Straight and Asian, a new website aimed primarily at women with yellow fever, a condition which, naturally, I support wholeheartedly.

The founders of this site are also launching another website in a few days called Eastbound FX (their Myspace page offers a preview of what to expect). Their goal is to be "the hub of Eastern entertainment for the West. We cover the latest in Eastern cultures, fashions, cuisine, travel, trends and entertainment, as well as the more serious issues facing Asian males and interracial couples in the West."

They interviewed me for the premiere issue of their eZine, presumably because Daniel Dae Kim was too busy drinking and driving and getting himself written off Lost (WTF DDK?!?)

Anyway, I'd like to thank the girls at EBFX for the ego-boost. As a struggling actor, my fragile self-esteem needs constant stroking.

Under the Gun Premiere

After my typical Saturday afternoon of soccer, lunch and napping, I hopped in the shower and got ready to go to the premiere for an independent action film I starred in called "Under the Gun." I've written about a screening of the first half of this movie that they had several months back, but this past Saturday was the first time the film was to be shown in it's entirety.

There was a lovely little pre-show cocktail hour with tons of fried appetizers and featuring a band consisting of two 11-year olds on drum and bass, doing covers of heavy metal songs. In the corner a lesbian ballroom dancing couple, one in a sparkling gown, the other in a tux, tried tango for a few measures of Zeppelin, then gave up, smiling and giggling.

After a bit of a delay, they canceled the drinks service (right before I got up to the counter as luck would have it), took away the food (nooooo!) and filed us into the adjoining room where a screen and projector had been set up. A brief speech by Douglas Ferguson, the director, and the screening commenced.

Citizen Kane it was not. And watching myself act for 90 minutes on screen is about as gut wrenching as a plate of bad sushi. I managed to compose myself and keep my eyes open most of the time. The most painful for me I think were my half-naked love scenes; I was so out of shape when we shot them due to an accident I had back in 2006. Followed closely behind were the fights - due to the erratic shooting schedule and the aforementioned accident, I was never in proper fighting form when it came time to film the action scenes.

However, all that said, it was an incredibly impressive accomplishment from a first time feature director, especially considering the fact that Doug is 22 years old! When I was 22 years old, I was sitting on a couch "finding myself." Hell, I'm still sitting on a couch trying to find myself.

Cinematically the DP Johnny Tsang did amazing things with limited resources - there are some very nice visual sequences for a low-budget indie flick.

All in all, it turned out better than expected and people had some very nice things to say about my performance and the end product. Again, the important thing here is that he MADE the movie. I know so many people, myself included, who have all these big ideas for creative projects, but they never come to fruition. Doug made it happen, and that's to be greatly respected.

And the chicken fingers were pretty good.

P.S. Now I can cross "Star in an action film" off my life list. Next up: "Develop marketable skills!"

Like Killing Zombies? Boxhead!

This is by no means breaking news, but if you like killing zombies AND flash-based online video games, then go check out the latest incarnation of Sean Cooper's Boxhead series, Boxhead: The Zombie Wars.

In this version he's added defensive turrets and barricades, which is just about my favorite thing ever, because my style of game play in most strategy games is one which my friends have dubbed "Gun Island." I like building little forts out of video game couch cushions. And by couch cushions I mean mortar and rail gun turrets.


I scored 2.4 billion points today! (It's not as impressive as it sounds...)


Come to think of it... I hate my life.

Some Decent Burgers (Though Still No McHale's)

Since McHale's closed it's doors in early 2006, my friends and I have been on a search for a hamburger that could help fill the hole in hearts and stomachs left by it's loss. McHale's burger was well over half a pound, served with big, hearty and crispy fries and, if desired, a mound of bacon nearly as large as the burger itself. But even more impressive than it's size was it's taste. Pure, juicy, simple and straightforward - just a perfectly a cooked patty of ground beef. Maybe it was their chef, maybe it was their grill. Maybe a lei line ran directly through their kitchen, infusing their creations with mystical energies, only to be released on the taste buds of their loyal customers.

I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm not. McHale's was the best. I can't walk by the preposterous luxury condominium complex they tore it down to build without my blood boiling a little.

As a result, I'm VERY hard on those burger joints which remain (see previous posts). But why shouldn't I be? No one wants to pay good money for a mediocre or even crappy meal, so we, as diners, need to weed out the inferior hunks of overcooked, under-sized, tasteless nonsense being passed off as hamburgers these days.

That said, I hate to be ALL negative, so here, now, is a list of places in New York where a decent burger can still be had. They're not McHale's, but perhaps the second coming is still yet to come...

CHUMLEY'S
This former speak-easy, hidden away on a side street of the West Village, serves... wait, what? What do you mean their retaining wall collapsed while they were trying to renovate? They're closed?! SON OF A $!%@#!!!

Nevermind... moving on.

EATERY
I had eaten here over a year ago and forgotten what a rather nice burger experience I had eaten here. They have a very clean and minimalist decor and menu, which manages to stick to the basics while at the same time adding nice, light touches which serve to accentuate the food rather than overpower it. Their Eatery Sirloin Burger is decent in size and flavor, and comes with crispy fries and garlic pickles, for only $9.95 at lunch (Though it's $11.95 at dinner... I HATE that.) The rest of their menu is incredibly intriguing as well. They're at the corner of 9th Avenue and West 53rd Street. If you need an upscale venue for a date or some such, this is your place.

THE SHAKE SHACK
Located inside Madison Square Park at 23rd Street and Broadway, this cool shake stand serves great frozen custard ice cream and shakes, as well as very good quarter pound burgers and portobello mushroom burgers. In terms of burger greatness, however, it really shines when you order their "Shack Stack," which consists of two cheeseburgers AND the mushroom burger on top, sandwiched between buns with their special sauce, lettuce and tomato. I normally wouldn't go on about a "novelty" burger, but this thing is just a taste explosion in your mouth, and for $8.75. Fries are separate, at $2.75, so it's not too bad. For those of you with smaller appetites, the individual burgers are still good and they also have a great variety of hot dogs and brats available. Don't forget to treat yourself to a frozen custard shake too!

During the warmer months it's hard to beat the combination of good food and sitting under lights strung amongst towering trees in the park.

BIG NICK'S
A neighborhood fixture, this is an old school diner-style eatery, meaning that you can order pretty much everything and the kitchen sink: soups, salads, steaks, Middle Eastern, Italian, Greek, Mexican, sandwiches, pizzas, breakfast, lunch and dinner. 24 hours a day! But we're here to talk about burgers, and Nick's doesn't disappoint. A dizzying array of burgers awaits you here, and they're big, juicy, grilled and reasonably priced. A basic, 1/2 lb. cheeseburger with fries and fixings comes to a modest (for NYC) $8.25. Even crazier, for $9.25 you can get the ONE POUND Sumo Burger. There are far too many toppings and combinations to go into here; suffice it to say you'll find something to tickle your palate.

CORNER BISTRO
Cheap beer ($2.50 for McSorley's), cheap burger ($6.75 for a maybe 5-6 oz. burger, $2 for fries), good taste all around. 'Nuff Said.

Well, okay, the service is a bit slow.

There may be more, but until I find McHale's reincarnate, these will have to do.

Roller Skate for Free in Coney Island this Saturday!

Lola Staar, a boutique owner and an active part of the Save Coney Island movement, recently won a Tommy Hilfiger "Make Your Dreams Come True!" contest. She's using the opportunity to open a roller rink in the historic Child's Building in Coney.

The rink will be opening this Saturday, March 22nd, and there will be a FREE celebration skating party from 6pm-Midnight. If the party goes well and a lot of support is shown, the rink may be here to stay. If not, it will be very fleeting.

So come support roller skating in NYC (we have no rinks left!) by skating your pants off on Saturday night. There will be rentals, but they will likely be limited, so come early. I asked Lola if it would be okay to wear roller blades instead and she said, "Sure!" (She also said that I'd have to wear a Wonder Woman outfit as well, but I suspect she was being facetious about that part. I think...)


On a personal note, I lived out near Coney Island for 10 years and would often run along the boardwalk past the amusement park and the boarded up Child's Building. It's a beautiful old building, with wonderfully detailed exterior ornamental sculpture and tiling. For decades it's remained empty and unused, slowly deteriorating with the passing seasons. A roller skating rink would be fantastic in this venue and would help breathe new life into the area.

The Child's Building is at 3052 West 21st St (enter on the boardwalk). RSVP to 866-211-1629. Some more info at Lola's myspace: http://www.myspace.com/lolastaar


Decisions, decisions. I'm ALSO supposed to go to see a screening of an action crime movie I'm starring in called Under the Gun on Saturday night. I'm rather torn. Either I can go have a once in a lifetime experience at an old building I love in my old stomping grounds which I want to help preserve... or I can spend an hour and a half cringing at my acting and fighting on-screen. Hmmm...

More Burgers of Shame: Stand

So this past Friday, still grumbling over my sub-par experience at BRGR, I decided to try to cleanse my palate by trying another burger joint I had heard recommended, Stand on 24 East 12th Street in Manhattan. I was a little worried, as the aforementioned Michael Kane had ALSO recommended this place, but as he had also named a number of decent places, I just figured I'd ignore all his burger observations, both good and bad.

As my roommate and I arrived, the stylish minimalist black sign positioned high above the entrance on the second floor of the building screamed dollar signs at me. The two story tall room, the black and white theme and the scruffy, disinterested hipster maître d' just inside the door reiterated the impending bill, and a quick glance at the menu confirmed it. However, as my dinner companion reminded me, it would all be okay if the burger was good.

So we ordered. It arrived. And it was... lame. Admittedly, the flavor of the burger was decent, but it was by no means a taste explosion, and the thing just felt small, despite their claims of being a 7 oz burger. Way over priced (plain burger with nothing is $9; my bacon cheeseburger was $11), fries were good but sold separately and the pathetically mediocre, SIX DOLLAR milkshake came in an 8 oz glass. WTF? I don't know who they were trying to fool with the 3 inches of whipped cream on top either.

Ordered my burger rare; it came medium. Not even medium rare, just frakking medium. No real surprise, as it took 20 minutes for them to drop the burger... of COURSE it was going to be over cooked. The "bacon" consisted of two paper thin discs about an inch and a quarter in diameter and they only offered 2 types of cheese; American and bleu. Orders came with "hard boiled egg mayonnaise," a thoroughly forgettable concoction.

Had to ask for lettuce, tomato and onion separately. No ketchup or condiments on the tables; we had to get up ourselves and scavenge them from other tables.

The bill for 2 bacon cheeseburgers, 1 order of fries and 2 milk shakes came to... and this is the frakking kicker... $42.27. NOT including tip.

Wasn't all bad, of course. As I said, the fries were actually good, and they had some interesting flavors of shakes (blueberry, pumpkin, toasted marshmallow, etc...), though that particular plus gets canceled out due to the fact that it's basically a shot glass of milkshake. And they kept our water glasses full. That's something. The meat was good quality (shame they overcooked it) - free range, though not organic, according to the manager. And they toasted the bun well - always a nice touch.

I've read a number of rave reviews of this place. I haven't the faintest idea where some people get their ideas of what makes a good burger. You can't taste decor, people!

Just a disappointing burger week last week. Gonna go buy some beef and try Gordon Ramsey's recipe from Kitchen Nightmares and see if I can't salvage this ground meat shipwreck.

Burgers of Shame: BRGR

I'm something of a hamburger aficionado. Or a burger snob. However you slice it, I like hamburgers; I'm quick to praise the good ones, even faster to lambaste the crappy ones and the average offerings are forgotten more quickly than the promises of an alcoholic on her third drink.

Which brings us to this evening. I'd had a very, very long day and a friend was coming over to do a quick cameo in my latest sketch video and I promised to feed her. I'd normally cook, but I was beat, so after a little brainstorming on where to eat I suddenly remembered that there was a BRGR hamburger joint on 7th Avenue near my place that I had never tried.

Now, I had avoided this place on purpose. It screamed hipster trash, in it's decor, pathetic portions, pricing... even it's fonts. It featured a 1/3 pound burger, which is, coincidentally, the exact weight of mediocrity. Their basic burger was SEVEN dollars, AND they sold their fries separately - red flags galore. I had my burger oven set to pre-hate this place.

Yet here was an opportunity to finally give it a chance, so in we went. Got myself the BRGR burger - basic cheese, onions lettuce, tomato, pickle and BRGR sauce. Rare, as all burgers should be. With a side of sweet potato fries ($2.75) and a black and white milkshake ($5.50). My friend also got a basic burger and lemonade. Total came to nearly $30. For TWO people! Eating HAMBURGERS.

Must... stay... calm...

Flavor of the Burger: Meh. Slightly too greasy. Huge bun, pathetic vegetables and cheese melted onto the bottom bun... wtf is that? You might as well put the cheese under the table. You can't taste the damn cheese unless it's on top of the meat. That's burgers 101. Amateurs. The beef patty itself was a thin, rather mealy patty that reminded me of the consistency of frozen pre-made hamburgers, despite it's supposedly organic, freshly-made construction. I mean look at that thing; that's a burger that's just given up on itself.

After I took a few bites of the burger, I took a sip of what appeared to be about a 16-oz milkshake - seemed a little small for my taste. I was all ready to hate on it as well for it's rather hefty price-tag, but when it hit my lips I was forced to admit that it's a really, really good milkshake. Pretty much worth the money.

The fries, on the other hand, were crispy, but for being sweet potato fries, rather flavorless. They needed some sort of seasoning, and the sea salt on the table wasn't doing it. They should consider having a version with a bit of cayenne or garlic.

The real giveaway about the burgers though? At the counter next to our table was a mother and her 3 or 4 year old girl. Angelic little slip of a thing, blond curls falling around pink cheeks. She was peering back over her chair at us and I smiled at her, then suddenly realized she was in the process of FINISHING her burger. When a 3-year old girl can finish your hamburger without so much as a fuss, you FAIL. COMPLETE LOSS!

Michael Kane of the New York Post has named BRGR burgers one of the Best Burgers in Town, ranking it BETTER than Burger Joint in the Parker Meridian, and on the same level as P.J. Clarke's and frakkin' Peter Luger's burgers.

Note to self: Michael Kane of the New York Post is a moron.