Picture #31: "Yes, R2, I tried re-installing already."

This is actually the top of a Pez dispenser (which I'm supposed to send to someone, but I've been dragging my heels on - sorry!). I took it with me to the opening game for the Manhattan Mayhem last night, but couldn't think of anything particularly clever to do with it, so I waited until I was home to do something not particularly clever with him in the comfort of my bedroom.

The bout was really quite good, even though my team, the Manhattan Mayhem, lost. Here they are just before the bout began:

And here, new co-manager, Endless Justin, somehow is looking directly into the camera even though I'm in the nosebleed seats.

This is just another pre-bout picture of the team. I like both how standout transfer Davey Blockit is at the ready with her coonskin cap, and the way Fisticuffs is yawning (one can only hope that, if I happen to run into her on a dark sport court, she doesn't beat me up for posting this picture...)

After the bout, we went to Juniors for their amazing combo pastrami/corned beef reuben and their world famous cheesecake. On the way, this somewhat appropriate sign, lost in the rain-filled side street.

Beating Children (in a Roller Derby Halloween Costume Contest)

People often ask me why I don't drink. I give various answers: that I never quite acquired a taste for it, that I'm cheap, that there was an incident in kindergarden, etc... All true (mostly), but the short answer for my tea-totaling is that there's very little I can imagine doing drunk that I wouldn't also do while sober.

Which brings us to last Saturday night. I went to the Gotham Girls Roller Derby Post-Season Showdown, where both the Brooklyn Bombshells and the Queens of Pain faced off against Seattle's Rat City Rollers. In between bouts they hold their annual Halloween Costume Contest.

In last year's contest, there were only 4 entries. Two with rather run-of-the-mill, store-bought costumes (I think a pirate and a sexy something or other), one person with goth/ren-faire attire and a nice set of prosthetic horns, and then one cute, hipsterish girl dressed as an abstract zebra. (I'll let you guess who won that contest.) I remember at the time kicking myself for not dressing up, as I think it was an easily winnable contest.

Not wanting to miss the opportunity again this year, I suited up as

an oldie, but goodie: the wind-powered, Affirmative Action inspired Samurai from The Superfriends. I even took the time beforehand to tailor the costume so it would seem less diaper-like. I was confident.

And then I saw my fellow contestants. Five-year olds. Nary another adult to be seen. I'd be competing against adorable, little children for gift certificates to a Halloween store.

Fortunately, I'm not a proud man.

There were four of the little buggers. Two were quickly weeded out by show of applause - the first was a kid with a strap on tiger mask, and the second who was wearing the ninja mask that was part of a third kid's costume. So it was down to me, an adorable little witch girl and the even more puckish little half-ninja child, to whom someone had given an inflatable guitar, transforming his off-the-shelf Power Rangers ensemble into a "Guitar Hero" getup.

Guess who came in third. Against 2 kids.

As I said, I'm not a proud man. $50 gift certificate, baby... Kaze no Yō ni Hayaku!!

So There Was This Dame, See...

A whole group of dames, come to think of it. They're called the Gotham Girls Roller Derby, and this past Sunday I went to their Derbytaunte Ball fundraiser to celebrate the induction of their rookie derby girls, one of which was my roommate Luke's girlfriend, Carly (aka: Straight Razor). Luke is on the left there looking very Joe Friday-ish.

The theme of the event, if you haven't guessed from our getups, was "Film Noir." Right up our alley. While we were getting ready, Luke cranked up the soundtrack from Orson Welles' "Touch of Evil," and we enjoyed gussying ourselves up in our Sunday best. I'm always happy to make use of my vintage (and unfortunately moth eaten) wool pin-stripe three-piece suit that I found for $25 in a thrift store in Pittsburgh 17 years ago (::gasp::).

When we got to the Park Slope bar Southpaw for the event, we walked into a sea of fedoras and suits. Fantastic. The music was, unfortunately, clubby - it would have been great if they had been blasting period tunes like we had back at the apartment, but such are the pitfalls of hipster happenings. No Peter Gunn theme for us, alas. At least Night of the Hunter was playing on a big screen on the dance floor.

There were free pickles and relish, and Chipotle was kind enough to provide free burritos (2 hours late), and my other roommate Danaher and I won a trivia contest prize for identifying a line from Maltese Falcon (Danny had just been talking about the line on the train there, coincidentally enough).

"When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it."

Ah yes. I've had entire relationships based on that line. Good times.

So finally the time came for the inductions of the "Fresh Meat." We cheered as Carly was brought on stage, officially dubbed Straight Razor and given her team assignment: The Manhattan Mayhem. Team captain Sweet Cherry Pie clapped her in hand cuffs and shoved her into line with the rest of the new Mayhem inducties. Manhattan has the most new rookie recruits this season due to a mass exodus after last season (Oh WHY did you leave us, Tankerbelle, WHY?), so I'm expecting a Cinderella season from them. No excuses!

So swing your razor wide, Straight Razor! GO MANHATTAN MAYHEM!

(Luke, Carly and my other roommie Rick.)

Mangosteens, Roller Derby Championships and a complete lack of Karaoke

So today I headed down to Chinatown to get a jump on my Thanksgiving shopping. We're making a Turducken again and I'm quite excited, so I need piles of food to go along with the great bird: Stuffed butternut squash for the vegans, mashed potatoes with garlic and scallions, green beans with caramelized onion vinaigrette, skillet eggplant, yams, collard greens, stuffing, salad , cranberry sauce and more.
While I was down there, I decided to go on a little food-finding mission. Someone recently made me aware of an influx of the rare Asiatic fruit, the Mangosteen (both legal and otherwise). Whole webpages have been devoted to this fruit; I had no recollection of ever having tasted it, even though I'm fairly certain I had sampled it at some point when I was in Thailand decades ago. It had been illegal to import it due to pest concerns and until very recently no one had managed to cultivate the tree here in the states.

However just this past summer the US legalized importation of irradiated mangosteens, while at the same time someone in Florida managed to breed them, so they've slowly began seeping into the NY market. At some specialty food shops, it was reported they were selling the things for $15 a pound!  Good thing we have Chinatown - they usually have these sort of things cheaper, and also, there's a number of illegal shipments that come into town.

As I picked up the various elements of Thanksgivingy goodness, I scanned each store and fruit cart for the elusive fruit. Dorian, lychee, longan all were plentiful and everywhere... but no mangosteen.


But then, out of nowhere, there on Canal Street, nestled on the side of one of the vegetable carts, were indeed the mangosteens of legend, at nearly 1/4 the price listed in the Times - $7 for 2 lbs. Sold!

Later in the evening, my friends and I were on the 1 train headed up to the 2007 Gotham Girls Roller Derby League Championships - the defending, two-time champions the Queens of Pain versus the undefeated Bronx Gridlock. It was magnificent. The happiness began at ticket check-in, where my favorite Manhattan Mayhem player, Tankerbelle, was handling the door. She's so angelic looking, but on the track... so very, very mean!

Coming into the match I had no set team to cheer for, but before the game the announcers asked the crowd to cheer for their favorite team, and the majority of the attendees roared for the current champions, The Queens of Pain. Which meant I automatically had to cheer for the Bronx Gridlock - I hate the bandwagon.

Sitting amongst my friends, most of whom were Queens of Pain fans, wearing small, paper crowns, I was delighted when the Gridlock took the early lead. After the first half, they had nearly doubled the Queens score, something like 54 to 28. 


But in the second half, the Gridlock went into clock killing mode and the Queens of Pain began coming back. The Queens star captain, Suzy Hotrod, had two amazing jams, scoring 9-0 and 14-0, to bring the Queens of Pain back within 3 points with 2 minutes left to go. But a final, amazing effort from lanky, speedy and virtually unstoppable league MVP Bonnie Thunders of the Bronx, held off the Queens of Pain, giving them the Gridlock the 2007 Championship! An amazing, down-to-the-wire match!

Afterwards I was supposed to go to a birthday party at a karaoke joint in Times Square called Spotlight. I'd actually been to this place before - it's a huge, sprawling theme restaurant type deal, with a big stage where you sing your songs, with backup singers and dancers. Not a bad idea, but their song list was very limited and the place was half empty when I went earlier this year.

Well, it's empty no more - the line was around the block by the time I got there just before midnight. To make matters worse, my phone was dead, so I couldn't even call the birthday girl that I couldn't get in.

So instead I headed to the Gotham Girls afterparty at a bar called Manitoba in the East Village. Crowded, and not really great for conversation, but fun to see the Derby girls in their civvies. It turns out that other friends of ours were apparently at a karaoke bar called Second and Second, and then moved to another one on St. Marks called Sing Sing. But by the time we caught up with them, they were just at a regular bar.

No karaoke for Shy. Sigh.

The Screening Post-Action Report

Friday night's screening was not too bad. I absolutely hated watching myself act, particularly in the opening love scene with my co-star Kelly. I really have a lot to learn about acting on film - either that or I'm going to have to shoot and edit everything I ever act in from now on. Which, come to think of it, isn't such a bad idea. Also, the sound was an absolute mess; we're going to have to go back in and redo a lot of the dialogue. And the director, Doug Ferguson, misspelled my first name in program. I'm not sure how you misspell my FIRST name and not my last name, but somehow he managed it; he has some of the worst spelling I have ever seen.

That said, the fight scenes turned out pretty well and people had nice things to say afterwards. Visually it was really impressive for an independent feature - the footage in the second half should be even better, as the DP Johnny Tsang upgraded his equipment midway through the shoot and got some really nice lenses, in addition to be a very talented cinematographer already. Doug deserves a lot of credit for pulling it all together, especially considering he's only 23. Very motivated. Someday he'll be able to afford someone to spell-check his copy.

An added little treat for me was meeting Mark Texeira, comic book artist legend (Ghost Rider, Punisher War Journal, Wolverine).


Then after the screening I came home, played video games and ate cheese. That's right... Mr. Excitement.

I go to Roller Derby for the articles.

Ah Tankerbelle... I DO believe in magic!

So after 4 years of saying I should check it out, I finally made it to a Gotham Girls Roller Derby match. I cannot believe I haven't gone before.

Rather than sitting on the bleachers, we chose to go for court side seats, in prime crash zone. While a small segment of the track was blocked by the central benches, it was quite easy to track the action. Our friend Heather who is also the penalty ref ("Lady Refstrike") came over and explained the basics to me and a few other newbies and then we were off.

And by off, I mean we sat and watched the roller derby girls warm up and stretch for 30 minutes.

Then the matches began. It was a double header - two Gotham Girls league teams versus a visiting team from Long Island and one from Jersey. I'm not going to attempt to recreate some sort of play-by-play here; I couldn't do it justice. But even though the Gotham Girls teams annihilated the visiting exhibition teams, it was still incredibly exhilarating to watch. Face paced, physical, tension-packed - everything you could want from a team sporting event.

My personal favorite was Tankerbelle, a tall, lanky and gorgeous rookie-transfer from the reportedly devastatingly athletic Kansas City league. Sweet and pure looking, with a colorful tutu; the blue roller derby floor was the only thing that kept her legs from going on forever. I was then quite pleasantly surprised to watch her mercilessly and repeatedly upend her NJ Hellraiser opponents in the pack with the viciousness of a mother protecting her Jammer.

Down goes 'Raiser! Down goes 'Raiser!!

Her motto in the program was "Every time a bell rings, a fairy kicks your ass!" Well RANG-A-DANG, Tank!

I have often said that the Olympics should only consist of ancient, military-based sports. The marathon. The decathalon. The javelin throw. Women's beach volleyball. Etcetera. But now I add Women's Flat-Track Roller Derby to that proud list.

Sally forth, you wheeled warriors... to VICTORY!