Ah, IM Spam...

FakeOnlineGirl: Hey glad u added me..Im Monica.. so u got my email? lol

Me: Uh huh... Monica. Yes indeed. Wasn't sure if you were spam or not. Especially since I never wrote to you...

FakeOnlineGirl: Ya I just got your reply to my ad today. I made that ad not that long ago but u are the only one who replied! aww soo cute thanks babe  I need ur help when I move near ya in a few days!

Me: I see. Tell me more, generalized-response bot?

FakeOnlineGirl: this is bad timing though cause I was just about to sign off of my instant messenger.. Is it possible for u to cum chat me in my chat room baby??

Me: You mean your for pay webcam chat room? SURE!

FakeOnlineGirl: Well ya its free to login of course... I can give u my special link that I only give to my friends since we are meeting up in a few days anyways but DON'T give out the free link to ANYONE ok?? I'm running late WEBCAM ADDRESS HERE

Me: Is it free except for age verification via credit card? Let me just dig one out...

FakeOnlineGirl: Well once u login there then we can chat much easier.. and u can see me on my live HD webcam they sent me  I got it for free HHAHA YAY.. you're pretty laid back, I could have some fun with u .. logged in yet? I'm waiting babe..Im on cam right now (thong and bra ONLY haha).. WEBCAM ADDRESS HERE

Me: Okie dokie!!!

FakeOnlineGirl: HEY.... u gotta promise not to give that link to ur friends lol.. that link is ONLY for my invited guests babe because it's FREE.. right now you're the only one anyways... I just don't see ya in the chat room yet are u on yet?

Me: Oh, don't worry, I'm cumming. Get it? "Cum"-ming? But hold on, first I have to stick a fork in an electrical outlet.

FakeOnlineGirl: K K I gotta get off here..I will speak to u inside my chat room hunny... see ya in a sec.. ps - we can exchange cell phone numbers in there xoxox WEBCAM ADDRESS HERE

Me: Sure thing, dickwad preying on the loneliness of people on the internet! I'll be right there!

FakeOnlineGirl: Auto Response: Just in my cam show now! Julie and I are gonna use a strap on tonight.. YAY.. Click the link to come watch... WEBCAM ADDRESS HERE 

Me: Wh-what? Auto Response? The magic's gone...

Sarah Palin: Ain't Karma Grand?

Palin is a "firm supporter of abstinence-only education in schools" according to CNN in 2006. [109] When running for governor in 2006, Palin wrote, "Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support," in response to a questionnaire by the Eagle Forum Alaska.

And then today's news:

Just days after Gov. Sarah Palin was named as Senator John McCain’s running mate, Ms. Palin made an unlikely announcement of her own on Monday: Her daughter Bristol, 17 and unmarried, was five months pregnant.

Ah karma.

If Bristol is indeed five months pregnant, however, it ruins what was going to be my favorite conspiracy theory of all time: that Sarah Palin's fifth child, Trig, who has Down Syndrome, was in fact her daughter Bristol's child and that Palin pretended to be pregnant. Because if Bristol really IS five months pregnant, it doesn't work as Trig is now 4 months old. 

We'll see if Bristol is mysteriously 2 months late in delivery!

There's a great rundown of this con-theo here at The Daily Kos, a site I don't particularly subscribe to, but I was tickled by this particular allegation.

In the first video in the Daily Kos story, we see Sarah Palin, apparently 5 months pregnant, about to drink a cup of coffee!

Joe Biden's Mother? ADORABLE!

Look at this woman. She's America's mom! I just want to gobble her up! She's absolutely ADORABLE!!!

Screw the cuteness of Obama's girls - Mrs. Biden wins the contest of cute hands down! Watching her laugh as Joe Biden recounted stories from his youth was utterly winning. Her laugh and smile was so charming when Senator Biden shared a memory of her telling him to go bloody the nose of his bullies so he could walk down the street standing tall. You could see her laughing as she told her neighbor, "It's true!"

Adorable!

Why is Monica Crowley still on The Mclaughlin Group?

Why in the world is Monica Crowley still on The Mclaughlin Group? I cannot understand it - every syllable out of her mouth is pure Republican spin. There's no original analysis or insight that isn't recycled from the neo-con talk radio and Fox News circuit. The other panelists have taken to pretty much just tuning out whatever she says because they know it's just going to be talking points. It doesn't even seem as if she's on the same show; what she prattles on about often has little or no real connection to the flow of the conversation, as it's just regurgitated pablum that she tries to shoehorn into the dialogue. It's as though you've just accidentally channel surfed away to the O'Reilly Report or Hannity and Colmes for 30 seconds. 

And it's not just because she's a conservative. For all his faults, Pat Buchanan never resorts to the sort of scripted party line nonsense that Crowley spews week after week; all his opinions purely his own and drawn from his own analysis based on his conservative viewpoint.

She's a complete waste of space on the screen. I can't believe Mclaughlin puts up with her.

Other People's Poetry

I was, I suppose, lecturing some young lady online for not posting her artwork and poems on the internet for the world to see. She agreed and told me I was right (as I always am), so here now is someone else's poetry:

Showering gracefully
in the arms of heaven's wings
Comfortable, content,
in mind of many great things

Beautiful, truely - the voice of the muse
the path, the choices are for you to choose
Reality dreaming to those who are deep
Those who bow their head, counting their sheep

Dancing, lifting
the rivers of our souls
Preparing, Endless
for whom the bell tolls

- Jessica

In general, I believe creation and art are pointless unless you share it with the world. Can you imagine if someone hadn't found Emily Dickinson's poems locked away in a trunk after her death? We never would have had the rhyme scheme for the Gilligan's Island theme!

New JibJab Election Video - Time for Some Campaigning

The new JibJab video lets you put your own head in at the end. Neat little Sendable tech.

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Shy + Air Guitar - Practice = FAIL. (Plus, Frozen Yogurt)

So, while I enjoyed participating in the Air Guitar regional in Brooklyn tonight, I realized that I'm not able to enjoy things purely on kitsch factor. Thing is, turns out I'm competitive, not just with others, but with myself, and if at any point I think I'm not doing something as well as I should be, I get rather morose inside.

Plus I apparently had the entire weight of the Asian race on my shoulders as two of the most recent world Air Guitar Champions have been Asian AND from Brooklyn, so, yeah...

Granted, I only had 2 1/2 days to prepare as I only got late entry accepted on Sunday morning at 5am, but I really needed to research more, figure out what they were looking for. Still, it was a lot of fun. Started off really well too, just went in the wrong direction for the judges, and they slaughtered me.

In any event, I wasn't even remotely as upset as the guy who came in second - he crashed into the dressing room, shouted, "Where's my fucking bag," and stormed out. It's like, "Wow, air guitar man. AIR guitar."

The girl who won had a rocking first set, and for the second part with the surprise song, she didn't actually play much, but she did run up into the balcony, climb over the railing and play on a glass roof over the sound booth. Gutsy. Made even more so by the fact that on the way there she BROKE HER TOE on a chair and tore the skin off, so the bone was sticking out. And she finished her set. Clearly deserving of the win.

Oh well, at least I can cross it off the life list.

ADDENDUM: As a bit of a segue, let me just say that frozen yogurt fucking SUCKS and in no way provides cold comfort in the way that real, Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie does. Every few years I forget the fact that frozen yogurt is a joke of a food and make the mistake of buying it when the real thing is sold out. I'd be better off sprinkling sugar on an ice cube.