... so I can go back in time and stop myself from ruining my life. 2010 sucked so badly it's spilling over into 2011, and will probably go right into 2012. I'm in desperate need of a do-over on the last 9 months.
I know, I've tried not to be overly emo on this blog, but it's past 4 am, snowing outside and I just can't help myself. It's both soul wrenching and rare when you can trace all your problems back to a single, regrettable decision. The trap is wasting so much more additional energy in wishing you had that choice to make over again. It's hard; it just seems so unfair that we silly humans are trapped in this linear river of time, unable to swim against the current to go back to a bit of calm water, or to follow a different stream than we did before.
Still, as I lay here, awake in the middle of the night, I can't help but close my eyes and dream of a life lived differently. The choices I made a year ago, or ten years, or even, now, twenty years ago, have led me down this seeming dead end alley I call a life. I just hope there's a light somewhere at the end of this labyrinth. And, of course, that there's not a giant bull headed monster waiting for me.