167.2

So yesterday I bought a scale. Yes, yes, I realize weight isn't a measure of physical fitness, but for me, it's a good benchmark. Plus it was shiny. Now, right before bedtime (and again, yes, I realize this is when you're at your heaviest), I weighed 167.2 lbs. This is after a week of slowly beginning to get back into my exercise regimen with running 4-5 miles a day. This is, by far, the heaviest I have ever weighed in my entire life.

A bit disturbing for me to say the least. At 5'6", with a small to medium frame, I am clinically overweight. To look at me, this would be a ridiculous assertion to most; I carry this extra weight pretty evenly across my entire torso. But for the creative projects I'm interested in, this is a nightmare scenario. Aesthetically, this extra weight doesn't suit the roles I'm both pursuing and writing for myself. Aside from the simple visual aspect, I can't move or perform with the needed speed, power or grace for any of these roles either.

Just 4-5 years ago I was 140 lbs (138 lbs in the picture) and in some of the best shape of my life, and I let it slip away. Years of hard work wasted. And of course, now I'm older, it makes it that much harder for me to get back in shape.

At least it's not a mystery. I know how I got here - through injury and being distracted by the drama of romance and heartbreak. And of course, not controlling my eating and exercising regimen.  

There's some good news, though. While it'll be more difficult now to get back to where I was, it's not impossible. I know exactly the things I need to do (yoga, martial arts, running/cardio, weight training, count calories), and I've gotten myself to a point where I have the luxury of being able to do those things. 

It's just a matter of doing the things I need to do for myself. Unfortunately, that's always been the hardest thing in the world for me.

We'll see.