Friday, June 18, 2010

Slovenian Tango

Direct from Johannesburg, South Africa - Behold the beauty and majesty of the Slovenian Tango!

Instructions:

1) Grasp your partner, preferably American, firmly from behind.


2) Hold on tight


3) Don't let go until your partner is called for a foul, offsides and/or has their goal disallowed by Koman Coulibaly.


Now everybody try it!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Lost (in 10 seconds)

Missed the Lost series finale and don't have 2 hours to kill online? Here's the whole series in 10 seconds:


Here's the thing, I actually like Lost a great deal. And while I GET this "ambiguous" ending (all the mysteries are extraneous to the personal journey of each of the characters, blah, blah, blah), leaving major questions unanswered after SIX YEARS is just plain lazy writing. Much like Abrahms Star Trek reboot, rather than go for something complex that interweaves both revealing the science fiction/fantasy elements of the Lost world and completing the spiritual arc of all the characters at the same time, the runners of the show copped out, choosing instead to cheaply tug at heartstrings with touching flashbacks set to swelling music and a cowardly and non-committal final act.

At least we got a fight on a cliff in a storm...

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Problem with Bonding

During a relationship, you develop bonds over certain places and things; maybe you both had a favorite bar, or a street corner where you had a particularly great kiss, or a TV show you enjoyed geeking out over as a couple. People, places and things.

And sadly, when if the relationship ends, these various bonds, rather than sources of familiarity and happy memories, become sad reminders of what once was. With the advent of social networking, these little nudges of the past have increased geometrically.

I'm unfortunately having this situation in spades at the moment. Mutual friends, shared activities and interests all act as little grains of salt in the wound. I've walked this road before, but the thing that is unique and particularly galling this time around is that one of the things I perhaps bonded most with my ex over was FOOD.

Food. I might as well have bonded with her over AIR or WATER. I can't even make breakfast without thinking of the meals we've shared and prepared together. Trips to the market are painful strolls down memory lane and a wild ramps risotto or fiddlehead salad suggested by the waiter only serve to recall her love of seasonal foods. (The risotto was AMAZING, by the way...) As a result, I've only been eating either sparingly or crappily, or both. One meal a day isn't sufficient sustenance, nor is a half gallon of ice cream.

I can only hope to be in better place by next persimmon and quince seasons.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Short excerpt from "Night of a Thousand Exes"

Scene opens on a beer garden in Brooklyn. Man has just arrived from a roller derby bout where he watched an ex-lover from last year cuddling with an ex-friend in the stands, while also seeing his most recent Ex of a week ago's current lover, who is a member of said derby league. This recent Ex is also at the beer garden for the birthday party of a mutual friend. Some brief small talk occurs amongst the group before Man and Ex finally face one another. She stands and speaks...

Ex of one week ago:
How are you doing?

Man shrugs sadly. She gives him a comforting hug and cheek kiss.

Ex of one week ago: (turning immediately to another friend) So this guy was just hitting on me in the line to the bathroom...
Man exits.

And scene.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Mom Logic

So before my trip to Atlanta, my mother wrote me to ask if I was bringing my computer, or if I was going to be using it a lot, because she didn't want to bring hers because it was too heavy.

She then told me she was bringing me brown rice, which I didn't ask for (nothing new). I suggested to her that if her computer was so heavy, she should leave the rice at home and bring her computer.

She decided to bring both.

This is the computer she said was "too heavy."


And this is the computer with the bag of brown rice she brought me:









Mom logic.

A Week in Atlanta - What to do, what to do...?

My, how time flies when you're not blogging. Valentine's Day, my birthday, meetings with ex's, romantic roller coaster rides: all come and gone.

But now my blog finds me in Atlanta. Arrived this afternoon (Monday) and after finally scouting out a free source of WiFi in the airpoirt (Delta fliers take note: Screw ATL's lack of free wifi and go to the Delta "Recharge" Station, where you can find both an outlet AND a free linksys WiFi access point), I easily made my way to the OMNI hotel in Downtown Atlanta via the MUNTA ($2.25 each way).

(A bit of back story: I'm here visiting with my mother, who is in town from Thailand for a conference; her birthday is this week and she asked me to come and hang out with her. I've never been to Atlanta in my adult life, so voila, mini-vacation. Hence the hotel swankiness that I wouldn't otherwise be experiencing.)

After checking in, browsing the local Yelp for food recommendations, I went to wander around Downtown a bit. I didn't get all that far, but it seems to be a bit of a cultural and gastronomic wasteland. Lots of empty storefronts and streets, and what eateries were about are designed to cater to the college and convention crowd in the area. I popped into one recommended joint, the Calypso Cafe; about average Caribbean cuisine, stark decor, moderately priced, but they seemed to be out of half the menu. I had the "spicy" jerk chicken with plantains and rice and peas. Nothing to write home about (though here I am, writing about it.)

I strolled around the area a bit more. One thing I found confusing was that it was 50 degrees F, incredibly windy, yet some people seemed to be under the impression that it was much warmer, walking around in t-shirts and spring clothing. Furthermore, no one seemed to realize that they were supposed to be cold. The residents of Atlanta really need to learn to be cold and complain about the weather more - it's positively uncivilized.

Then back to the hotel to exercise a bit in their swanky fitness/spa center, take a bath, finish reading my sugary vampire novel and wait for my mom to arrive.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Superbowl Chili v.2010

I've combined a number of recipes for this year's batch of Superbowl chili, and added meat braising into the equation. It's cooking as I type this, so I've no real idea how it's going to turn out, but so far it seems like it's going to be the AWESOME. (Or inedibly spicy... one of those two...)

Shy's Superbowl Chili v.2010

Ingredients:
1 lb ground beef
3/4 lb sirloin, cut in 3/4-1 in cubes
5 cloves of garlic, chopped/minced
2 medium onions (red or yellow or both)
1 green bell pepper, diced
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 Italian pepper, diced
1 Jalapeno pepper, finely diced
1 Serrano chili pepper, finely diced
1 long pepper, diced
2 6-oz cans tomato paste
1 28-oz can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup red wine
1 can/bottle beer
1 cup strong coffee
1 tbs Assorted dried chili peppers, ground up
1 tbs oregano
1/3 cup brown sugar or maple syrup
1 tbs cumin
1 tbs coriander
1 tbs cocoa
1 tbs chili powder
salt and pepper
1 1/2 tsp cayenne
2 bay leaves
1 tbs butter
2 tbs olive oil

cilantro
sour cream

Directions:
1. Season the cubes of meat with salt and pepper. (Seasoning just means sprinkling salt and pepper over the meat evenly. You'll get the hang of the amounts, but if you're just starting off, work with, say, 2 teaspoons (tsp).

2. Heat a large, over-proof pot over medium-high heat, then add butter and 1 tablespoon (tbs) of olive oil. (Hot pan, cold oil, foods won't stick.) Brown the cubed sirloin for about 8 minutes or until done on each side, then remove meat to a plate and then brown the ground beef. Remove ground beef to plate when done.

3. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

4. Add remaining olive oil and saute garlic and onion for 5 minutes, then add peppers and saute for another 7-10 minutes, stirring often.

5. Return meat and any juices to the pot and stir, then add tomatoes, paste, beer, wine, sugar, coffee and spices. Cook on stovetop for another 10 minutes or so until liquids reduce a bit, then cover and put in oven for as long as humanly possible, stirring occasionally.

6. Turn off before bedtime.

7. Wake up, turn oven back on to 325 degrees F.

8. Right before game, take out of oven, season with salt and pepper to taste (this means TASTE it, then add more salt and pepper). Serve with freshly chopped cilantro and sour cream.

9. Pass out.

10. Send Shy thank-you note.